graphs of my Universe
Listening to a talk with Raditya Dika is a good experience especially about how he planned retirement fund as early as when he was before 40.
I myself will not stop working as work is one value of life, yet preparing the fund so that living can be more leisurely in a later work service at 60’s is truly meaningful. FYI, I see many of my colleagues are 60 up to 70 with very good performance so I’m confident. ☘️
I'm water whose splash
Cleans wounds in my own heart.
I'm fire whose spark
Burns wounds to immediately heal.
I'm wind whose blow
Dries wounds to end the pain.
Dear, Beloved.
Let me meet a true heart who as well has become water, fire, and wind to one's own self.
Dear, Beloved.
Let us walk and sprint together in all trails and at the finish line meeting
You.
Dear, Beloved.
This heart is a garden where nature starts a cycle to end, ready to welcome the next cycle.
This year.
leafy ring 💎
Tongue tied, Beloved
Seeing how carefree you are
Dancing with the tide--
life is about riding the tides. when it’s high, soar. when it’s low, dive. this soul is free, loving from distance or nearby– no difference but loving from distance makes the vibe thicker with longing, from nearby lighter with laughter
love is as beautiful as everyday’s sunray
never hurry! love is the way itself, not a destination
2026, you’re chosen. congratulations 💎
This heart is the earth
Who will bury stories, gossips, complaints, grievances to the depth
The very deep.
Layers of soil will dry,
Solidify,
Carbonize,
Fossilize
In peace.
Then miners come
To liquify what's solidified.
Diamond, sapphire, ruby, quartz....
Name more.
They're dug up
To the surface
Beautiful and shiny
Like love, hope and protection.
Yet some are glaring
Like pride, arrogance and domination.
Dear,
Heart.
Slip in my deepest self
And never open the doors.
It hurts to be mined.
Love is always precious like diamonds that adorn little life. Yet I’m resting after the diamonds are scattering on the floor, clinking around, rolling, some unfound….
The are some pieces left. The last to be guarded please the last….
Holy, Beloved
The days through which I walk through
Life and her stories.
360 times to see the light
This heart, Beloved
Is the star constellations
Glow when she's so dark.
This heart, Beloved
Glows constantly in the dark
With hope, love and fear.
this is a song of acceptance
💙
☘️
The star, Beloved
Falls-- falls after collision
To ocean of tears.
I love you, Ibu. No one loves me like you do. I know you’re happy in the other side.
Send my warm regards to Bapak whose love and protection is beyond any man I’ve ever met so far.
Terima kasih, Bapak & Ibu.
You’re always in my heart esp now.
😘☺️❣️
Today's roomy, Love
As the rain falls on my hair,
Glides with so much fun.
Hidden gem, my love
Glows in this heart telling tales
About hidden love
That might never find her nest.
The voiceless gets more silent.
Today my friend brought me around Jogja. The most interesting part was of course Pasar Beringharjo (Beringharjo Market) in which whatever souvenirs from Jogja are completely displayed. The most I love about this market is “ibu-ibu gendhong”, the women who sell their service to carry the people’s (both traders and shoppers) stuff from one point to another. My friend works in the NGO that advocate them to get better access to better rights as informal workers. The women (we call them buruh gendhong: female porters) know my friend very well so I always get the chance to say hi to them every time I visit some markets in Jogja & be given directions which best traders I can go to get the best products.
Today they showed me a hidden gem, a small corner where old-aged batik sheets and tradion Javanese kebaya are traded. What a blessed day today was!
How should I have felt except thankful? It was a good bargain– just with less than SGD50 I got a package of pretty apparels that I will wear to attend Christmas party in my cousin’s home.
kebaya, old batik sheet & an obi belt of Sido Asih batik
Thank you!
My cold heart got warm with the shopping spree and meeting the female porters who are the true representative of humble life itself.
God bless you, Ibu-Ibu & Mbah-Mbah Buruh Gendong. 💕
Beautiful, my love
The arranged colours and scents--
The heart shines brightly.
pretty like me 😁
Too many details that I’ve missed, perhaps. Too many messages that I’v disbelieved, perhaps. Too many warnings that I’ve ignored, perhaps. And today some details were sent again to me by those that I ignored because I trusted you….
Mosaic of details has displayed a new you, that I disbelieved.
Da Vinci that you chose for a quote, the Jogja song that was actually for “the twin”, this and that…. I’ve been a joke for you & your squad.
Thank you for making me a joke. Happy? Congratulations.
Now I know: if someone can be that smooth politically, what else can’t one do to hide the true self? Well protected, the highest protection in the country. Well groomed, the fanciest class in the country.
😎
Life is just like that.
Cantik sekali kamu Jakarta 😎
Can I still trust
You?
My palace is shaken,
It turns to a joke
Laughed by those observing my steps with smirks.
Whom should I trust?
Your signs? Or their messages--
with just one picture of silhouette of two bald men having meal behind the window, a feeling can strongly be shaken
what a day today is!
is it that difficult to find one normal person to love?
all in all why was it shown to me just to shake my palace of trust? again….
Eyes to eyes, my Love
Where realm of now and here be
Punishing the past.
When I talk with someone, I’ll look into one’s eyes. It’s a sign that I respect my interlocutor, embracing one’s presence mindfully here and now. In return I really hope that the person does the same to me.
Yet who am I to want someone to do it wholeheartedly.
Let days be days. Lessons flow like rivers within me, the heaven that I’ve built to reach the real heaven ahead.
Wish you all a blessed weekend.
💙
Life is poetry
Singing songs to a quiet heart
To be pretty noise.
me trying on the “Booty on mega mendung” batik
This is one of a few movies I’ve watched repeatedly with some reasons especially how the main character’s logic was ruined with just one blow of hands of a fragile-looking woman.
cooking my lunch & watching it
I’ve always wanted to have painting of animals especially birds and ducks. While bird is popular and loved by many; duck is considered unusual and funny and maybe lack of wisdom.
Some of my friends have teased me for wanting duck painting. There is one that did it up to a level of insulting my sense of art. Am I angry? Nope! I don’t care. I love duck paintings. I’ve seen many of them.
One painting is in progress. It’s not painting of Javanese ducks that I’ve seen before. It is a painting by a painter of Javanese and Balinese ducks; yet it is a painting of Mandarin ducks.
Mandarin ducks are full of colours! I love colours. And the fact that they are symbol of love has boosted my wish to have them on one of my paintings. And so it goes!
It is now 70%.
I wish to have it be perfected as the photo made as source.
Mandarin ducks on the way to my wall.
Oh oh! Why duck?
I believe that ducks show me what’s called crowded togetherness, one direction in fun, noisy in unison, a community that is led, fun walking…. 😝 and especially Mandarin ducks all the above qualities added with love! 😎
Whatever!
I just like painting of duck.
70% or Mandarin Duck
Show me, Beloved
That it's real and right and true.
Says a shy lover.
The Quran is always a good advisor to me. It never lets me down.
When I’m so doubtful of self worth, it always sends me encouragement to be always faithful to what’s shown to me, without others’ validation or justification. Trust me an ordinary human being in whatever age period will still question herself when a strong blow of question “who do you think you are? know your worth” comes to her especially from those who are supposed to at least “shut the mouth”. 😁❣️
What a day!
This verse that randomly opened just now is QS Assajdah #24. For those reading this as outside world this verse is about leaders in a group; yet to me as the Quran can always be about what’s within, this is about leader within me which is the Heart.
The heart will only lives and be alive only when the whole body agrees to be patient and trust what’s shown through the existing senses. Be patient, dear self. Trust the process and the symbols and signs shown to you.
I will just walk to where love and compassion is leading me. Be it real. Be it true. Be it right.
Amen.
💙
Oftentime I feel lonely and can only write poems that are full of symbols and simile or prose that are full of metaphors and hidden codes.
It's so lonely to see something others don't.
But if I’m given the other around (not seeing what I’m seeing), I won’t want.
Yet it's at the same time a blessing.
I can only enjoy my journey as it is my journey alone, not others and can’t be bear by others and won’t be on behalf of others. It’s just me walking on my path and me only on my path.
Only you,
And you only
That's with me.
I can understand how people misunderstand someone and they call one crazy or daydreaming or dreaming or exaggerating or boasting or anything in the same shade of the impression that one is full of shits just because the “shits” are misunderstood. This person won’t have many friends; even with the very few friends, one would still can’t tell what one can and can’t tell.
It used to be difficult yet now it’s becoming more relaxing and calming to be someone hidden behind misunderstood realities. How beautiful to be misunderstood–
The eyes see,
The ears hear,
The nose smells,
The tongue tastes,
The skin feels,
The lips are sealed.
Life is just like that: beautiful, & romantic yet quiet & mysterious.
Pages of a book
Dog-eared, yellowed
And wrinkle
Of fingers stroking--
I’m not a religious person yet I love checking holy books, books about local faith around the world and writings about philosophy. To me wisdom scatters everywhere; it might not be the best sources of wisdom but reading them has opened my horizon of thinking and I’ve become an open-minded and free thinker to some extent.
There is one more thing about checking those books is getting personal advice that I can’t get from even the closest people around me– not because I don’t trust their love to me but I don’t trust their level of bias in analysing my situation. They are not open enough to accept me who is very open in thinking yet very morally guarding to my own self (two paradoxes my closest people still can’t understand up to now). That’s why I “consult” the Quran, the holy book aside from Bible that I’ve been familiar with since I was young (my father was a Christian).
Today I felt the need of consulting the Quran; I prayed, recited Alfatihah the opening suuraah of the Quran, greeted those I respect in life, took a short silence and randomly opened the book.
Here is the answer from the Quran.
QS Annuur #38
That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.
My heart stopped doubting. Is it because of the Quran? Is it because of to whom I prayed? Is it because of my trust? Maybe one of them. Maybe all of them. And I don’t want other possibilities because I won’t let myself doubt what’s been confirmed.
Thank you, dear Quran for being my closest friend, a book that opens all the doors of light. I might not be religious but you’re always the #1 consultant I’ve turned to for the past 33 years and probably will be for the rest of my life.
Light, light, my heart becomes so light.
Thank you❣️
Mandarin ducks perch
On a rocky river bank
Enjoying the sun.
a painting of a raft of Mandarin ducks would be a beautiful spot in a house
their colours are fascinating
Don’t crack under pressure. Maybe only “that watch” can do that; while most including human beings definitely crack under certain pressure like ceramics that can even break simply because of some delicate qualities that should crack to let some component of life lessons enter the inner realm of the pressurised persona.
I don’t mind cracking under certain pressure as long as life lessons can smoothly diffuse themselves into the liquid vortex within. Then as gold in kintsugi, they mend what’s cracked leaving golden map showing myself where to find a way of acceptance & letting go.
If I don’t crack, I will always look perfect with no guilt splashed, no criticism slashing, no confrontation exercising, no discussion & argument heated then calming, no accountability assessed. Looking perfect as a being accumulate some layers of avoidance to make mistakes, emotional exhaustion, failure of focused self reflection, forced compatibility even within self, self centernedness. Oh no! I prefer being an imperfect persona in front of many rather than being a looking perfect with so much burden within.
Being imperfect doesn’t mean I’m bad. It just shows me that I’m a human being and it’s fine to look ugly sometimes. As a human being I want to be vulnerable so I can be as playful as possible genuinely; so I can speak my truth with ease in a sweet way; so I can love other human being with no shame; so I can be as imperfect as nature wishes me to be outside my work (hallooow at work I need to be perfectly doing what I’m assigned for sure)!
If only I can directly tell some of human beings I know how perfect you’ve been looking and you need to stop being perfect, I’ll tell you wholeheartedly while assuring that you are free to be you the condition that you agree to heal together with no pretense and that you agree to be true to life.
Dear humans, you’re a ceramics not that watch that won’t crack under pressure. You deserve to be kintsugi decorated with golden map showing love where to flow.
Yes, I love to get answered as an answer is like lacquer reassembling cracked ceramics and yes I give myself answer because I deserve vulnerability, my own vulnerability; truth, my own truth; honesty, my own honesty– with love and respect.
Yes and I’ll let my heart crack again with better understanding and acceptance why it should crack then let life apply kintsugi on me.
Life is just like that…. 💙☺️🌻
this is me, imperfect & vulnerable as I’m kintsugi
☺️
kintsugi in a nutshell
Mandarin duck swims
Through calm water to the edge
Welcoming the breeze.
my small work of art to be, “the lone swimmer, love bird of the east”
Life is just like that. Like what?
Like whatever she perceives--
Be she fun,
Or gloomy--
Be she colourful,
Or dull--
Be she letting go,
Or attaching--
Be she alone,
Or together--
Life is just like
Her in whatever version
She wants her to be.
my life shall be as light as my heart can be
I’ll always unload things unnecessary to clutch on as those things will only make my steps drudge while I’d be glad prancing
only with love….
….and love only
whatever they say….
….how much ever they think
I’m light, moving light, to the light
☘️
A funny friend, Love
Funny. Here. There. Benefits.
Laugh at funny friend.
Life is funny.
There’s a story I witnessed with my own eyes where a friend supposed to connect two people happened to be the blocker.
Saying one thing about one in front of the other. That one is this. This one is that.
Getting this from one, getting that from the other. Harvesting from both sides.
One of them then left that one friend who was supposed to be a connector plus the other one who was supposed to be connected through the connector. Too many masks and one of them decided to quit until the all unnecessary masks fall off.
maybe the connector is also wearing too many masks to get many benefits from one and the other
😁
If one chance was blocked, it was still ok. If two three chances were blocked, it was good to try again. But when the ultimate chance was blocked, there was something unfair, or something wrong.
Life is funny. Life is just like that.
😁💙☘️
Some people asked
Why I liked writing poems.
My answer was simple
Because that was the only way
I could tell my truth.
Then they told me to
Use naked words to tell the truth
To them then I did.
Those people asked again
Why I used naked words to tell the truth.
My answer was simple
Because you asked me to
Then they excluded me.
I'm writing poems now
And forever.
and with the poems I spray fragrance with which I decorate my truth so those particular people will get lost in their own mind that is so confusing like a maze
missing home…. sometimes human beings don’t need to rest from work, they just need to rest from drama
Evening, Love, is
Carnation in a glass vase.
Flickering candle--
rike jokanan 
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